it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
