Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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