i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
