She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
