Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
