i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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