I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
