Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
