I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
