Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
