apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
