If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
