my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
