I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
