And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
