All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
