I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
