I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
