How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
