Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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