If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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