drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize