if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
