I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
