Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
