Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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