It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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