So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
