I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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