So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
