I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You took a bar mat shot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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