Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
