I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
