she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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