she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
