K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
