Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
