Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
