why do cheetos always look like penises
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
