can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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