Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize