now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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