Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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