So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
