but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
