just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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