I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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