john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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