I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
