I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
