I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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