We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
