he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
