imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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