my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
