I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
