how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
