watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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