Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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