Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
