I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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