When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
