What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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