2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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