I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
