Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
