Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Welp...herpes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
