I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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