so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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