is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
