ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
