dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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