Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
