mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize