I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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