He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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