Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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