Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You are a genius and a whore.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
