Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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