You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
