Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
