dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
