I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
