Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
