My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
