GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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