Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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