we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
