YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
